So the Soapbox Sunday topic for today is wedding cake.
Let me start out by saying that I am in awe of the skill and talent of many people who make wedding cakes. I've gawked at pictures and thought, "How could anyone ever eat that?! It's so beautiful!"
Today is not about THOSE particular cakes. Today's items have bigger problems.
Once again, as I was skimming through pictures looking for beauty and inspiration, I stumbled upon a few things that made me do a double take... in a bad way.
The first one was actually my own silly mistake. I saw this cupcake and found myself tilting my head in the style of a dog who doesn't understand what you're saying. My thought was, "Are those tail feathers? Why on earth would someone want a cake that looked like a bird's butt? I don't underst--ooooh." It only took me a moment to realize what the cake was supposed to be, and I had a good embarrassed giggle at my silly mistake. I read the summary that accompanied the picture and did another double take. That wedding dress / bird's butt cupcake "serves 1-2 people and prices start at $25." (And it's actually closer to $30.) That's right. $30 for a 1-2 serving cupcake. Just out of indignation, I decided I liked it better when I thought it was a bird's butt. Also, I wouldn't spend $30 on a cupcake even if I were about to pass out from low blood sugar.
I couldn't help myself, I looked up the company's website. I wanted to know what "prices start at $25" meant. I was hoping to see an explanation of what made a cupcake worth that. (Frosting pigments made from rare precious gems? Lovingly and miraculously hand-crafted by blind nuns in Belgium?)
This is what I found:
- They really do have some beautiful, impressively decorated cupcakes.
- No one I know could actually afford to purchase their products for an event.
It's lovely. I'm not sure I would call it a cake, if the size of the fork next to it is any indication, but I do think it's pretty. Any guess on the price? Take a deep breath and prepare yourself...
$85. That's right. EIGHTY FIVE DOLLARS FOR A FROUFY CUPCAKE. Has the American dollar really been devalued that much? Am I being Punk'd? Is there a misplaced decimal point? I just can't wrap my head around it. You ladies make pretty cupcakes, and if I lived near you, I would consider taking your class to learn how to make such pretty cupcakes. Not only would I like to make pretty cupcakes, but if people would actually pay me $85 each, I could pay for our entire wedding and my fiance's student loans with just a few bake sales! Sign me up! :-P
The other inspiration for today's topic was this cake topper by Teena Flanner for Bethany Lowe Designs.
Again, it was the combination of the pictures and the write-up alongside it that got me. This topper was described as tasteful, glamorous, fabulous and as a "personalized bride and groom."
Here are my thoughts on that:
- Nothing says tasteful and glamorous like a little man in a glittery white tuxedo.
- A glittery white tuxedo may very well be considered fabulous, so I might let that one slide. However, no one who could rock a white glitter tuxedo would be caught dead with a drag queen looking bride like the Amazon standing next to him (or her, for that matter).
- This is about as far from personalized OR "bride and groom" as it could be. The two of them are so androgynous, they're barely distinguishable. The only things setting them apart are two pairs of crookedly stuffed socks in the bride's gown and some poorly applied blush.
- Also, not a fan of the matching glue gun gunk on their heads. Hers attaches the veil, his attaches... more glitter.
It's almost too bad I already showed this to Dylan, because it would've been a lot of fun to show him that cake topper as a new "wedding inspiration" for us. "Honey, I LOVE this! I don't think I'll be able to find a white sequined tux off the rack though, so we're going to need you custom fitted for that baby. Ooo, also... I'm thinking about getting my hair cut exactly like yours! We'll be like twins! Androgynous, glittery twins! I'm so excited!" (Although I'd be really bummed to find out my bust looked like that.)
So again, if you were the "tasteful, glamorous, fabulous bride and groom" that this was personalized for, PLEASE send me your picture. I will post it right here next to the cake topper and may even eat my words. It'd be cheaper than wedding cupcakes.